Thursday's Thoughts and Things

I started reading The Help.
It's the first book I've read in a LONG time.
I used to read constantly. *I was once accused of being stuck up, because I was reading on my lunch break instead of chit-chatting... That guy was an ass.
Anyways.
Why did I stop reading?
I think it was because I thought I would read Don Quixote.
....................
It was a really great book... just sometimes difficult. Always having to read the footnotes to understand what I just read.  Well over 1000 pages.  It took me so long to read.  *I don't recall how many pages, and I'm too lazy to go find it and look.  I also don't recall how long it took to read... it was probably 7-8 years ago...
.....................
Anyways, after that book.. I was done for a while.
And then I just didn't feel like I had the time to read.. what with seeing Jerk Face and all..
and then when I had LB, I REALLY didn't have much time for myself.
But, I'm finally getting a groove.
I've learned the value of coffee.
(I was/am not a coffee drinker.. but I make... coffee concoctions.)
and I'm waking up before LB... which is wonderful.

Back to The Help.
I also read it out loud to LB, and I read it in the Southern way it was written.
I've always loved talking in accents.
A refined Southern accent is my favorite.
(That's how I make Miss Skeeter speak... and Miss Daisy -- that's one of LB's toys)

**True Story**
I was a in the 6th or 7th grade. Painfully shy.  We had an assignment where we had to read in front of the class. (I hated that... pure torture.)  I had read my paper at home several times... in a British accent.. to make it seem less boring..  After I read it in class, my teacher told me that she loved how I spoke with a British accent.  ::MORTIFIED:: (to put it mildly.)

So the point of this post?
I have been speaking in a Southern accent at home. And not meaning to do it...
Sorry if I start blogging with a bit of a Southern twang.
*smile y'all!*

It's Time For Bed

Let me tell you about LB's bedtime routine...

it starts downstairs, as Jerk Face holds LB, I am the Master of Ceremonies... and start the routine...
"ATTENnnnTION!" (pause for effect)  "Forward ... MARCH!"
LB gets SO excited!
and then I begin my song:
'The Ants Go Marching One by One; Hurrah! Hurrah!...' LB can't contain herself! She is bouncing in Dad's arms, laughing! She LOVES it!
We make our way up the stairs and through the hall (stopping at 3.. to 'hug LB') and when we get to 4 we 'walk through the door' and into LB's room... where we finish the song...... I do a variety of dance moves (all the while exuberantly marching ... 5-take a dive, 6- pick up sticks, 7-gaze at Heaven, 8-close the gate, at 9.. I 'get in line' behind Jerk Face and LB and we march around her room...  Then we get to 10... and this is my big finale... I'm waving my arms and using exaggerated movements... as it is the end... 'boom boom boom boom Boom boom boom boom B Ooo ooo oo o mmmm!'  LB always smiles at the end Boom! Because she is so totally over the song by then and knows it's finally over!! I always have fun :)


Soo... Did I mention that we have yet to put up curtains in LB's room?
Yep! She's been a real human for 9 months now, and we still don't have any kind of window treatment up...
I'm okay with it.
well....
until I looked out the window one night while doing my ...very artisic surely worthy of being on So You Think You Can Dance? ... dance, and low and behold... sitting on the porch across the street, looking in the window... watching this sacred family ritual... is the neighbor boy! He's not really a boy, since he's probably in his early 20's.. and I'm sure he's at the local pub, the one Jerk Face and I used to frequent, talking to all the flies we used to talk to and telling them about these crazy people that he watches... He probably invites them over so they can witness it for themselves... Dude! I HAVE to check it out! It's just too funny to be true!
Oh! The embarrassment!
Perhaps when he tells his parents... !Yeah! You still live with your parents! Stop making fun of me, punk! ... they'll just say: 'oh! Those weirdos must be good parents!'  Because EVERYbody knows that in order to be a good parent you need to make an ass out of yourself multiple times a week... heck! even multiple times a day!!!

...Maybe I'll just forget the curtains and start charging....

Just Some Small Talk about Vacuums

I was getting our vacuum out to sweep, when I saw:

UGH! I HATE when Jerk Face wraps the cord up like that!!!! I like it like the next picture shows because it just makes it easier to unravel.

So, the following is the actual conversation that occurred:

KSK: Jerk Face, why do you do this? It's so annoying to have to unwrap this!

Jerk Face: {very smug} Really?

KSK: Yes! I have to sit and unwind in a figure eight; if you wrap in a circle, it just goes faster!

Jerk Face: Serious? {Are you THAT dumb?}

KSK: {Getting annoyed at his tone} I'm just asking that you wrap it up normal. It just makes it easier for me to unravel... Not that big of a deal... a small change to make it a little nicer...

Jerk Face: {walks over to the vacuum}

KSK: Really?! {in disbelief}

Jerk Face: You know, all sweepers do that...

KSK: I'm going to call my mom. {and walks away}

Come on!!! How could I have gone ALL of these years (I'm almost 30) and NOT have known THAT!!??! We've even had this stupid sweeper for four years!!!  I do the majority of the sweeping, it's one of my favorite chores to do.. I even did it the most when I lived with my parents.. and I ... NEVER ... knew this!

I can't believe that I'm even sharing this with all of you! But, I thought that I need to put it out there just in case someone else in this universe is as dense as I am and doesn't know about the miracle of the moving hook!!!

Oy! This is MY blog and I starting to portray myself as the BIGGEST idiot!!!  (I'm not really THAT dumb... I just haven't figured some things out yet....)  Jerk Face better do something stupid soon, so I can post that and make us a little more even on the idiot scale! *smile*

Anyways! Happy Friday Everyone!  Check your sweepers and report back to me about the miraculous moving hook that apparently ALL SWEEPERS HAVE!!!  Did you all know about this? 

For Your Entertainment

My posting yesterday reminded me of a time in North Carolina when I had an awkward situation at the military gym....
I had written about it on my myspace account --who uses myspace anymore?  ...I need to go and delete it one of these days....
Anyways -- I just copied and pasted my story from there because I wrote it when it was fresh and embarrassing...  It's a nice place for me to revisit... May 14, 2007... And now you can share in my mortification:

When we go to the gym, we usually lift weights, and then I run - -although lately I've been coming in early and running - -so my face is super red for our entire workout and I'm dripping sweat - -It's really quite disgusting!  *But I just starting running 2 miles in 20 minutes! I'm proud of myself for that! I'm trying to get at least 3 miles in 30 min.
Today at the gym, I was a little dizzy after my run, so I went to the bathroom to splash water on my face.  I know where the boys room is, b/c I see guys go in there all of the time, so I went to the door across from it - without even looking at the sign - - I felt faint - - (That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!) - anyways - so I walk in and I see lockers - normal... smells like urine - gross for a girls locker room - - -  turn the corner:
Urinal, urinal, man at urinal!!  EEP!  He didn't see me - -I bolted back out the door - -only to see a big group of Marines watching me come out of the men's room!!!  How freaking embarrassing!!!! I heard them say: "Did she just go in there?!?"  It's a good thing my face was already monster red from my run, so they didn't see me blush!!  OMG!  I just felt so dumb!!!  - - but at least now I know where the girls room is!!!!  It's behind the desk where you check in --- I'm so glad that it's hidden!
*Then, Jerk Face and my workout was just beginning - so I feel eyes on me for a little while - - (I told Jerk Face - -he's at work right now telling everyone he works with so they can make fun of me next time they see me!! How sweet is he?) -- - then this Marine comes over, he must know Jerk Face - and he goes:  "I saw your wife go into the men's bathroom...  We all thought it was pretty funny"    we ALL!!!???  We ALL.  Way to bring my embarrassment back, buddy!
I'm sitting here laughing my ass off, but it's still embarrassing!


Oh yes... It was a moment of pure humiliation!!  What I failed to mention was that it was lunch time, and a LOT of Marines go to the gym at lunch time... so the place was pretty crowded -- Marine guys EVERYWHERE!  It felt like every single one of them, to my chagrin, played witness to my situation!  


Oh fun :)   
--p.s.  I haven't ran like that in quite some time, but I'm inspired to start again...  Perhaps tonight when Jerk Face gets home I'll jump on the treadmill :)  ... I'll probably only be able to run a mile.. maybe...




Have you had any gym faux pas?  Please tell me about them! I need to know I'm not the only ignoramus out there!