Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Pour Your Heart Out: Drugged

I am linking up for the first time ever with Shell for:

Just a forewarning: This is going to get serious.

As you all probably know... and if you don't, I'll tell you again:

I had my wisdom teeth removed on Friday.

To gain more of your sympathy, I will tell you that I had all 4 of them removed.
Two were labelled as:
Full Bone - Impaction
and two were labelled as:
Full Bone - Difficult
Which I'm pretty sure that means it's terrible - and I should've just kept them.

I'll give you time to say: "oh dear, that is awful!"

....Thank you. I feel better.

I have been on pills.
All weekend.


I feel like a shitty mother.

I know it's not my fault, but it still sucks.
I was held captive to the couch Friday, Saturday, and most of Sunday.
All that I could do was enjoy ~foggily~ watching Jerk Face playing with LB.
(and curse him as he ate chips.)

They would laugh...
and LB looked at me
My face hurt as I tried to smile at her.

I remember hearing Jerk Face tell LB that 
"Shh! Mommy is sleeping"

She was so good.
Almost like she knew that I was feeling ill.

I know that LB is young and won't remember her "Ma"
being a druggie 
not playing
not reading
not rocking her to sleep
not even smiling through a simple game of peek-a-boo
for a few days
but a part of me knows that even small things like this
can shape a child.
Is she going to be a little less happy because I'm not smiling back?
...she seems to be wanting Da-Da more...


I know that getting your wisdom teeth removed is 
one thousand percent

My eyes have been opened to see a new light.
I never thought about how it would be for a mother who is unable to play with her children felt.
I never knew the ache that forms in the heart.
It hit me like a ton of bricks.

Friday night, I was in such a state, that I couldn't even make it up the stairs to sing our bedtime song.
That killed me.
I said a prayer for all parents that are unable to be with their children right then and there.
Unlike so many other parents, I will get better
(hopefully soon)
and will be playing with LB
and reading to her
and getting annoyed by her.

And I can't wait.


Jennie said...

Oh, gosh, I so felt this. Like, it choked me up and everything. What a great insight and a great post.

And this especially hit me because....I AM GETTING MY WISDOM TEETH OUT NEXT WEEK!

And I am scared shitless. Because my dumb dentist told me years ago, when I was younger and the timing was more ideal, that I would probably never need to get them out. And now, lo and behold, I do. All four of them. And it's gonna be messy and invasive.

I have three kids and what I dread the most is how in the world I'm gonna be able to take care of them and be there for them the way I need to. Especially since I still nurse one of them. Plus, my hubby says he might take ONE day off to help. MIGHT.

Ugh. I'm just dreading it, up and down.

Galit Breen said...

Oh my- ouch! I'm so sorry that you had to have your wisdom teeth out!

Also? The perspective that you take and give here? Is breath taking!

Thanks for the reminder- I needed that!

Jessica {Team Rasler} said...

I'm about to lose a tooth, so I am preemptively feeling your pain! I'm sorry about that. it's really thoughtful of you to think about all those parents that can't be with their children the way they want to. It makes my heart hurt, too. Hope you're back on your feet (and eating chips) very soon!

Emmy said...

Wow- holy cow this got me thinking. It really is easy to take things for granted. I hope you feel totally better soon

Shell said...

Love that you threw getting annoyed with her back into this. ;)

It is definitely something to think about, though.

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