Pour Your Heart Out: Drugged

I am linking up for the first time ever with Shell for:

Just a forewarning: This is going to get serious.

As you all probably know... and if you don't, I'll tell you again:

I had my wisdom teeth removed on Friday.

To gain more of your sympathy, I will tell you that I had all 4 of them removed.

Two were labelled as:

Full Bone - Impaction

and two were labelled as:

Full Bone - Difficult
Which I'm pretty sure that means it's terrible - and I should've just kept them.

I'll give you time to say: "oh dear, that is awful!"

....Thank you. I feel better.

*smile*

I have been on pills.

All weekend.

And?

I feel like a shitty mother.

I know it's not my fault, but it still sucks.

I was held captive to the couch Friday, Saturday, and most of Sunday.

All that I could do was enjoy ~foggily~ watching Jerk Face playing with LB.

(and curse him as he ate chips.)

They would laugh...

and LB looked at me

My face hurt as I tried to smile at her.

I remember hearing Jerk Face tell LB that 

"Shh! Mommy is sleeping"

She was so good.
Almost like she knew that I was feeling ill.

I know that LB is young and won't remember her "Ma"

being a druggie 

not playing

not reading

not rocking her to sleep

not even smiling through a simple game of peek-a-boo
for a few days

but a part of me knows that even small things like this

can shape a child.

Is she going to be a little less happy because I'm not smiling back?

...she seems to be wanting Da-Da more...

~and~

I know that getting your wisdom teeth removed is 

one thousand percent

different...

but.

My eyes have been opened to see a new light.

I never thought about how it would be for a mother who is unable to play with her children felt.

I never knew the ache that forms in the heart.

It hit me like a ton of bricks.

Friday night, I was in such a state, that I couldn't even make it up the stairs to sing our bedtime song.
That killed me.
I said a prayer for all parents that are unable to be with their children right then and there.
Unlike so many other parents, I will get better
(hopefully soon)
and will be playing with LB
and reading to her
and getting annoyed by her.

And I can't wait.